Sweden

When I left Sweden after my semester abroad, I wondered what it would feel like to return. Now, after being in Stockholm for a week, I can only say that it seems that my relationship with Sweden will always be a complicated one.

It’s just so beautiful here. And I can’t help but feel like things could have been so, so different the first time around if I had just learned how to conquer my demons sooner.

When I left as a 21-year-old, I felt mostly relief, tinged with sadness and regret. I hoped that by the time I came back, my desire for adventure would not be so clouded by fear. I’m proud to say that I accomplished that much.

But I also know that it was only a twist of fate that brought me back to Sweden, and it’s a strong possibility that I won’t be lucky enough to return again. So I am sad to have been unable to make my semester here better for myself and those I encountered. What a waste.

Hej da, Sverige… I will carry this country and all that I experienced here – this week, and the many many weeks before – in my heart always. I wish I could have opened my heart to you sooner.