It’s been a while, so I promise not to disappoint.

I’ve been considering different blog topics for a while, and I must say that most of the things I was going to write about were philosophical babblings about things no one thinks about but me.

And while I think you may have found them interesting, and I am sure I will get back to that eventually, today I have decided to get back to something funny. And nothing is funnier than self-deprecating top-ten lists, right?

So here, for your reading pleasure, is the Top Ten Stupidest Things I Have Ever Done.

10. My senior year of high school, I went to Taco Bell one day shortly after it rained. I rolled down my window to order and pick up my food. Then, I decided I was going to be a hot shot and sped off across the parking lot without rolling up my window. There were huge puddles in the parking lot, and when I drove through one, a lot of water splashed up through my window and into my lap. The worst part? My chalupa was in my lap.

9. I took a class my freshman year of college that was taught by a former president of the university. He took about five of us at a time out to dinner at a Chinese restaurant. Afterward, since it was raining, he drove us all home. He pulled up to my dorm, and I got out of the car, pulled my backpack out of the trunk, and ran for the door. Right before I got inside, I realized I had not closed the trunk. My stomach sunk as a turned around just in time to see the former president of the university getting out of the car, in the pouring rain, to close the trunk before he could drive away.

8. Once when I was bowling, I picked up the ball, walked to the lane, wound up, and then gasped in horror when I didn’t see the ball rolling down the lane. I turned around and realized the ball had flown off my hand on the backswing… and rolled directly into the snack bar.

7. For almost eight months, every time I turned on the hot water faucet in the bathroom sink in one of my apartments, freezing cold water came out. Every time, I assumed this meant that we did not get hot water in that sink. And for eight months, I washed my hands and face in freezing water. Then one day, a friend tried to fill her water bottle with the cold water faucet and discovered that hot water came out. Turns out the hot and cold labels on the faucets were just switched. I never bothered trying the other faucet. And yes, my roommate knew about the switch the whole time.

6. On a side trip to Copenhagen during my time in Europe, we were wandering down the water’s edge looking for the famous Little Mermaid statue. We walked, and walked, and walked, and eventually hit a dead end. So we shrugged, and turned around, and walked some more…. and hit another dead end. Suddenly we realized we had walked through a gate that was now closed and surrounded by a fence that had barbed wire on the top. We were locked in a shipping yard. My friend Scott said it best when he quipped, “We are the definition of ‘stupid Americans.’ What were we thinking? ‘Hmm, crates and boats and gates with barbed wire. All the tourist attractions will definitely be in here!’”

5. At work, I once wrote an email to my friend Shannon about a conversation I had with a guy the night before. I sent it, then, fractions of a second later, panicked when I realized I had sent it to the author of the book I was working on instead of Shannon.

4. When the song “How Bizarre” came out, for weeks I was convinced that the words were “Help Is On.” The song came on once while I was talking to a friend, and I said, “This song is so bizarre.” He said something like, “Ha, very funny.” He thought I had made a lame joke, but really, I had no idea that what the real name of the song was.

3. There was a section of the cadence my college drumline played where I (as a cymbal player) had to march backwards. I was marching along when I saw the eyes of the snare player in front of me get very wide. As I wondered what was in front of him, and therefore behind me, to make his eyes get wide, instead of turning around to see, I yelled “What?” I faintly heard him yell “Cone!” as I proceeded to fall over a large orange traffic cone and roll into the drunk college students lining the street.

2. One night at a work happy hour, I suddenly realized I was drunk and it was time for me to go home. I got up and left, somehow managed to make it to the train station, and got on the train for a 45 minute ride home. The second the doors closed was when I realized just how badly I had to pee. Let me tell you, the el is fun when you’re drunk, but not when you’re drunk and you have to pee.

1. The night before I graduated college, I drank a screwdriver, sex on the beach, and a long island in rapid succession. Enough said. I will say that I knew exactly what I was doing at the time, but I’ll leave it up to you to decide if that makes it better or worse.

These were in no particular order. Feel free to pick the one you think is worst. Or to remind me of something else stupid I have done.

Hope you got some laughs.